My HOSTESS Article in UltraRunning Magazine

Earlier this year I was asked by UltraRunning Magazine to write an article for them........about Hostess. It is with deepesty sympathy that I repost the article about my now extinct, beloved Hostess.

I vividly remember the moment I evolved as a runner. It wasn’t the moment I crossed the finish line of my first marathon. It wasn’t that moment when my mind was fuzzy and I staggered across the finish line of my first 100-miler. Nope, not the time I was running in a wind storm and my runny nose ended up in my eye lashes. My transformation came at mile 20 of a beautiful trail run in southern Utah when I stopped at my car to refuel with a pack of Hostess Crumb Donettes.

At this transformative period of my life, I already had a long-standing love affair with Hostess products. But I had never had the pleasure of using them to fill my veins with sugar during a run before. I stashed some in my car and planned to eat one or two Donettes instead of a Gu packet. But they were so good that I ate another. And then another. And before I knew it, I was standing with an empty package, crumbs down my shirt, and a stomach that audibly said “thank you for your gracious gift.” 

I was surprised how well my stomach tolerated the donuts in the middle of a long run. I was fully expecting a gastrointestinal revolt. I was so surprised in fact, that on the next long run I tried a Hostess Snowball. As much as it pains me to talk bad about something so delicious, I admit that the Snowball didn’t go over well mid-run. For you unfortunate souls who haven’t had a Snowball before, imagine a velvety cream center covered by chocolate cake covered by a thick layer of marshmallow covered by pink coconut sprinkles. I had a “No duh!” moment after I tried to run and my stomach didn’t feel very good. Shocker! I can think of nothing worse than a bad case of Snowball Gut. (Well, except for eating cauliflower or listening to Celine Dion. I believe those things actually are worse than Snowball Gut.)

Every year I organize a group of 50 friends to run a half marathon in celebration of all things Hostess. A requirement of the fun run includes eating a Hostess product every two miles, although “The Hostess With The Mostest” Award goes to the person who, you guessed it, eats the most Hostess. It’s not often that you can say you gained weight during a running event instead of losing weight! The “race” is enjoyed by everybody and nobody at the same time. 

After a great deal of trial and error, I’ve come to realize that the best Hostess product during running was my first Hostess product: the Crumb Donette. I only wish that these little morsels of heaven had a different name. I’d prefer that they just be called Donuts. I feel like I’m risking my Man Card by saying how much I love a food that ends in “ette”. 

According to Dr. Thomas Dansie at the Institute for Completely Imaginary Facts, “A Twinkie contains the superior combination of monocalcium phosphate, sodium stearoyl, and soy lecithin to fuel the demands of a grueling ultramarathon.” As ultrarunners, we are striving to extend our durability and longevity. It seems only fitting that we ought to consume products that contain enough preservatives to survive the apocalypse. 

Surely I can’t be alone in my desire for Twinkie-flavored Gu packets or energy bars that taste like cream-filled cupcakes with little white swirls on top. These would be a true revolution in ultramarathon fueling. Chia seeds are so 2009! Until then, we’ll have to subsist on Chocodiles and Ding Dongs. Is it important to eat healthy in training and racing? Without a doubt! I certainly eat more than my share of rabbit food. But is it okay to fudge a little with junk food while training for an ultra? I sure hope so. Otherwise I should retire right now.

My brother told me a funny story. He found out about this article on a flight home from Washington DC. He was sitting next to someone reading the magazine, and unexpectedly looked over and saw me standing there holding a Twinkie.

Rest in peace Hostess.

Grafton Mesa and Molly's Nipple

I don't have any races coming up in the near future. I positively LOVE having a bit of an off-season. I adore not having a schedule telling me how far I should run tomorrow. An off-season means:

1) No thought of doing something dumb like waking up at 4am to get in a training run.
2) Cheesecake? Don't mind if I do!
And the best part......
3) Run whenever you want. As long as you want. As far as you want.

I had a few great runs this week.
Wednesday, November 7th 2012: 9 miles - Grafton Mesa Loop. At points during Javelina Jundred a few weeks ago I considered that me and 100 milers were never, ever, ever getting back together. (Go ahead, try to get that Taylor Swift song out of your head now.)

But I think I'm getting over that. I decided I'd go explore the Grafton Mesa loop for the first time - part of the new course for the Zion 100. I fell in love with this trail by the time I'd climbed 500 feet up the mesa:

The first two miles are steep and challenging, ascending around 1,100 feet but the views were more than enough to make it worth the huffing.

Sections of the trail were rocky and technical but not horrible if you take it easy.

During the week one of my patients at work asked about my running. And then - in all seriousness - he asked if I lift weights as part of my training. If you've ever met me you know how humorous that question is. I tried to not laugh and said "No, I probably should do some of that." Does this picture from the top Grafton Mesa look like I spend a lot of time in the weight room?

Once you arrive at the top of the mesa, there is still more climbing to get to Smithsonian Butte dirt road which is part of the loop. Off to the side you can see scenery like this:

Eventually the trail connects to a dirt road allowing you to run next to Smithsonian Butte:

The loop ends back at the Grafton ghost town cemetary. I must say - I am so happy that this section is included in the Zion 100. This loop makes the incredible course even more amazing.

Friday, November 9th 2012: Monthly mile challenge at the elementary school. I ran with my daughter Danica and her friends. It's so cool to see kids having fun running. (You can see Molly's Nipple in the background which was my destination the next day.)

Saturday, November 10th 2012: 15.5 miles to the top of Molly's Nipple. Mercy, it was so bitter cold when I started running. There were storm clouds in the sky and I brought a poncho but left it in the car because it looked like the clouds were clearing out.

After about an hour of running I thought maybe I'd need that poncho. My goal was to reach the top of Molly's Nipple on the horizon:

My climb to the top was fun but I didn't stick around on the top too long because it was so windy and cold.

I was thankful that I avoided rain although on the return to my car I did meet up with the first snow of the year. Bleh.

And so ends a fun week of running. A great week of running. Pass the cheesecake.

"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success, although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes." ~ Don Kardong

More Pictures and Thoughs From Javelina Jundred

I put lots of pictures on my race report from that 77 mile run at Javelina Jundred almost two weeks ago. But there are a lot more pictures I haven't posted yet that I thought I'd share with you. My soul belongs in the desert so at a race like this, I feel right at home.

As I was standing at the starting line I had a realization: I Should Have Brought A Unicycle! I think I could have gotten away with it.

This shot is a mere 30 minutes into the race (before the blisters, nausea, and hallucinations where people start having conversations with Smurfs.)

The first little bit of the run is in the dark. One of my favorite parts of the race is seeing the sun come up to shed light across the desert.

To get an idea of how enormous some of the saguaro cacti are check out this runner near a cactus:

Many miles of trails at Javelina Jundred mostly non-technical. But there are definitely stretches that are more technical and tricky. I think it's a good mix.

Although there were lots of runners out on the trail, there were often long stretches (especially at night) where these were my only companions:

I smiled when I came to the part of the course where I saw this wilted, worn tree because I remembered it so vividly from last year's race. (You can see a picture of the same tree in last year's race report surrounded by some cool clouds.) There were certainly times when I felt like this tree.

After being engulfed by the scorching sun all day, it's hard to describe how happy I was at this point when the sun started to go down:

I mentioned that Mel came out to pace me starting at mile 62, and then sometime an hour or two later her nose sprung a leak. We had to laugh about it. A bloody nose seemed perfectly appropriate considering the other mishaps that had happened throughout the day.

Around mile 74 we reached the aid station called Rattlesnake Ranch. I knew it would be my last aid station of the race because I had already missed the cutoff. Grrrr. Then I saw this license plate on one of the cars at the aid station. It made me smile.

Mile 76 arrived. The last mile of my race. I had been on the trail 24 hours, and it felt like I was sleep walking as I watched the sun come up for the second time during the race.

The ending wasn't what I had planned, I didn't reach my goal of 100 miles. But I remembered this quote from Gordon B. Hinckley which perfectly summed up how I felt:
“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

I was thankful for the ride.

Free Entry to Baker's Dozen Half Marathon

Here is some cool news: the Baker's Dozen Half Marathon & 5k is the featured event on Utah Running Guide right now!

They are giving away a free entry to both the half marathon and the 5k. Jump over to their Facebook page to join the contest which ends on Tuesday.

I loved their description of the race: "Health nuts, Diabetics, Paleos, and Dentists BEWARE.....close your eyes, cover your ears, ready your toothbrushes......this event is for the shameless sweet tooths!" Now that's funny.

My Toes Won Hot Dog Look Alike Contest

On Monday and Tuesday my feet were still pretty swollen from running 78 miles at the Javelina Jundred. My toes won the Hot Dog Look Alike Contest for a few days but are now back to normal.

It has irked me this past week that I didn't finish 100 miles. I know 78 isn't horrible, although it's still a little crappy when you fall short of your goal. Oh well. Next time.

I made sure to give myself plenty of rest for the week. Saturday was a fun day. My friend Tom Dansie directs a race near Zion National Park called the Butch Cassidy 10k and 5k. There was a new feature at the finish line for the kids called "Find the Ghost of Butch Cassidy" and Tom recruited me to be the ghost.

Before the Find the Ghost activity I had time to do some spectating and cheering at the race. The finish line is at Grafton ghost town and the scenery is amazing.

The autumn leaves were a little past peak this year but the colors still glowed in the morning sun. Butch Cassidy is a race I'd definitely recommend. I got my 10k PR here a few years ago.

I walked up the course a little bit and saw the moon setting over Grafton Mesa.

Then it was time to head over to the graveyard to hide and wait for the kids to find me. Their reward was candy so it didn't take long for them to hunt me down.

That night Mel, her sister Rach, and I went and ran a few loops (3.2 miles each) of the Baker's Dozen Half Marathon coming up December 15th. This was my first time running the course and I loved it! It made me even more excited for the race.

I took this picture during the run. I thought my wife was wearing a headlamp, but my friend John Beckstrand knew differently. He said "The Baker's Dozen Half will unleash the unicorn in you!" This is going to be fun.

"We take these risks not to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping us."