Thursday, December 8, 2011

101 Things - Secrets Revealed

1. I desperately want to go to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.
2. I would give anything to be able to grow a moustache like Burt Reynolds.
3. Words can’t describe how much I hate airplanes.
4. My kids have complained that I take too many pictures of them.
5. My library card is used often. I’m usually reading 3-4 books at any given time.
6. My heart is broken every year by the Utah Jazz.
7. I’ve met George Bush (the old one) and Gordon B. Hinckley.
8. Our shih tzu is morbidly obese.
9. I have a bad reputation for passing out when I get my blood drawn.
10. Kids + pouring a gallon of milk on cereal = recipe for disaster. I still love them anyway.

11. I enjoy Letterman, Survivor, and Colbert.
12. I am proud of being frugal and thrifty.
13. I’ve never met a kind of candy I didn’t like.
14. Except for the color, my hair resembles a Chia Pet.
15. My car traps odors. You can smell a Big Mac for a week.
16. I have a sweet tooth that would put Willy Wonka to shame.
17. I have never seen any Star Wars, Rocky, or Harry Potter movies.
18. I think the name “Herb” is funny. I wouldn’t mind having that as my nickname.
19. The scent of seafood makes me want to upchuck.
20. While I respect their abilities, I detest music by Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Pat Benetar, Gloria Estefan, or Santana.
21. Dentists were created by the devil.
22. I have no doubt that I could eat my weight in pumpkin pie.
23. For the most part, politicians make my blood boil.
24. I would love to be the director of a Gospel choir in the Deep South. Not that I can sing. Nor have I ever directed a choir.
25. Once I sprained my ankle and instinctively said words I shouldn’t have said in front of people I shouldn’t have said them.
26. Is it a requirement for figure skaters to wear sequins? How depressing. If I’m ever having a bad day at work, I will remind myself “At least you don’t have to wear sequins.”
27. 101 is a lot of things.
28. I wish my car had sirens I could turn on when someone is driving really slow in the fast lane.
29. My children can recite lines from Napoleon Dynamite.
30. I can recite lines from Napoleon Dynamite.
31. One of my biggest fears is getting old.
32. I married a patient, forgiving, selfless, compassionate person.
33. I have a firm belief that Cream of Mushroom Soup is over-used in the culinary world which is a shame because it’s pretty yucky.
34. I haven’t ever used alcohol, cigarettes, or heroin.
35. I am very picky when it comes to buying shoes.
36. I have never, and will never own a cat.
37. I like to listen to ESPN Radio on my way to work.
38. I can be bribed to do anything with cupcakes.
39. My wife often forgets to change the lint trap on the clothes dryer. So when I change it, it looks like a kitchen rug.
40. OneRepublic makes some incredible music.
41. I take a daily multi-vitamin, Glucosamine, and fish oil capsules.
42. I’m trying to be like Jesus. Sometimes the closest I get is owning a pair of sandals.
43. Now that I have run 100 miles, I believe I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
44. I wish spinach tasted like churros.
45. When I was younger, my brother and I would sneak out of the house at night, ride our bikes to the grocery store, and buy ice cream.
46. I get predictably grumpy when I am tired.
47. The temperature in my office is either Sauna or Meat Locker. I prefer Meat Locker.
48. When I die, I don’t want to have a funeral. I want everyone to have a party and have fun and laugh and eat lots of junk food. And possibly hire a stand-up comedian for one of the speakers.
49. I learned from experience that my car isn’t built to drive up snow-covered hills.
50. I kind of like the Buttered Popcorn flavored Jelly Belly Beans.
51. I think my wife Melanie is a babe.
52. With my life, I am much more interested in quality than quantity.
53. A mouse lost its life in my desk drawer at work. It was grrrrrrross.
54. I like to surround myself with people who have a good sense of humor and don’t take things too seriously.
55. I feel guilty when I drink regular soda instead of diet.
56. I have never broken a bone.
57. My brother and sister are ambitious.
58. I wish I could play the cello. I’d listen to myself all day and never leave the house.
59. I wish I could make rolls as good as elementary school cafeterias.
60. I have LOTS of female in-laws that live close by. There is nothing worse than hearing about certain times of the month.
61. I am an eternal optimist.
62. I once got my mouth washed out with soap for calling my brother stupid.
63. I’m sorry I called you stupid. You are much, much smarter than me.
64. Note to self: Ivory Soap doesn’t taste nearly as good as it smells.
65. I am a photography nerd.
66. Among the phone numbers I have saved in my phone: Domino’s Pizza, CafĂ© Rio, and the Piano Gallery.
67. My chemistry teacher in high school drank more Mountain Dew than should be legal for a human being to consume.
68. The people I work with are very, very smart.
69. Church sometimes makes me sleepy.
70. I would like to meet Bruce Springsteen, Lance Armstrong, and David Letterman. And ultrarunning freak of nature Karl Meltzer. (Karl - I'm going to be in Salt Lake over New Years. Call me.)
71. A rain storm is the best smell in the whole world.
72. I admire people who are humble, thankful, giving, and appreciative.
73. Banana bread, pumpkin pie shakes, and toffee are scrumptious.
74. I am positive that I was a first grade teacher in my past life. I LOVE going to help at the elementary school.
75. Our dog likes to tip over garbage cans and make a big mess of the garbage. He is lucky to be alive.
76. Sleep apnea makes me stop breathing a couple hundred times a night so I’ve slept with a CPAP for lots of years. I loathe my CPAP.
77. Anyone with sleep apnea needs their spouse to make baked goods including cake and pie at least once per week.
78. As a kid, I liked Alf, Silver Spoons, The Wonder Years, Mr. Belvedere, Small Wonder, and Charles In Charge.
79. I survived two winters in Wyoming. (I’ll pause a moment and let you finish your applause.)
80. In my high school anatomy class we dissected a cat. A cat!
81. Running is contagious.
82. I nearly needed a clean pair of britches a few years ago during a particularly bumpy flight into St. George. If friends weren’t with me, I would have kissed the ground when we finally landed.
83. Without my contacts in, I am as blind as an NBA referee.
84. It bothers me when my girls listen to music from Mama Mia. This is the reason ear plugs were invented.
85. I have an in-law who likes to use the phrase “Quite frankly…” to begin many sentences. Quite frankly, it always brings a smile to my face.
86. My sassy and funny sister-in-law Rachel uses the phrase “Y’ain’t” which is always very funny. I’m going to try to use that in my vocabulary more often. “Kids – y’ain’t gonna get none of my Mike & Ike’s so stop asking!”
87. Why don’t children understand the concept of sleeping in?
88. My wife thrives on telling me gross things that she does while working as a nurse at the hospital.
89. I wouldn’t mind being Nacho Libre.
90. I have three pieces of toast and hot chocolate for breakfast on my way to work every day.
91. My knees often don’t cooperate.
92. Maybe it’s because I eat three pieces of toast everyday for breakfast.
93. I don’t understand the appeal of CSI, vampire movies, or Red Lobster.
94. Beagles have a loud, and very funny bark.
95. My memory leaves a lot to be desired.
96. Sometimes I have a problem with laughing during the prayer.
97. Getting a root canal is the next closest thing to being struck by lightning.
98. Mel’s family is so tight-knit that they sometimes discuss their bowel movements with each other. That's when I leave the room.
99. I firmly believe that figure skating would be so much more enjoyable to watch if everyone wasn’t wearing sequins.
100. Does it make me less of a man if I admit that I don’t mind Taylor Swift’s music?
101. I think if I let my hair grow out, it would look like I French-kissed a light socket.

28 comments:

  1. You are a funny and interesting man Cory! Thanks for sharing.

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  2. That was a wonderful way to start my day. :-)

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  3. #1 - do it, fun times!
    #34 - should we assume, if something isn't listed, that you HAVE tried it?!?!? ;-)
    #87 - wait til they are teens, then you'll wonder what they have against getting up before noon.

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  4. Loved reading, thanks for sharing. #94 - very true, I've got one!

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  5. lol I love these. I never change that lint trap....my husband probably has similar confessions. #33 is the best :D

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  6. That was really fun to read. You made me laugh! What a great way to start the day. I'm with you on #21, 23, 30 and 55. As for # 72...you are one of those people.

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  7. This made me happy. I love your optimism and glad I am not the only annoyingly happy person on this earth.

    How did you not include something about slurpees on this list?

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  8. Haha!!!! LOVE it!!! I have always admired your optimism!

    My other favorite thing about you......the way you talk about your WIFE. Quite awhile ago, when I started reading your blog and you would talk about your sweet wife, I would say to myself, I wanna meet her. Well since then, I have met her......and she's just as awesome as you say she is!

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  9. #24 made me laugh out loud!

    Apparently we watched all the same TV as kids (high five) but I am not impressed with your two Wyoming winters since I am on winter #11. Double digits. Whoop! :)

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  10. Oh, these are great! And 101 really is a lot, I'm impressed. BUT - you dissected a cat? That's so strange!

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  11. haha... y'ain't. I like it.
    This was fun to read! Church makes me tired and the husband and I are notorious for laughing during prayers... and talks. Why do they always have to use the word "duties"? Yep, we're 12.

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  12. That's a lot of good information right there. I agree with many of them including the never owning a cat one!

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  13. Omgosh you are too funny. Love reading your blog. Wish i was better at keeping mine up.

    I also read more than one book at a time. Sometimes up to 5. And i must say i am sooo jealous you met Pres. Hinckley. Such an awesome man. My dad, who has passed away, looked a lot like him. Several times in church kids thought he was Pres. Hinckley.

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  14. Cory, I'm a little concerned with your ice skating and sequin obsession. Mel's family and mine sound like they would get along great. We talk about similar things at the dinner table. Great list, you should do this every week!

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  15. you are funny! love #1, and you must do it! do it now! so much fun! and go see harry potter ASAP! you don't know what you are missing.

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  16. what a fun post! i almost didnt get past #1 because i would love to go to a cubs game at wrigley! definitely agree that you are an optimist! i think that is so awesome!

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  17. WOW, that list is phenomenal. This is my first time stopping by (someone told me that I have a lot of photos similar to the way your blog is set up?)...cool blog!

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  18. Cory...a cat will never get in the trash can and make a mess! Just sayin'.

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  19. Wow, we have a lot in common! I was totally planning on just skimming your long list, but it was too interesting to just skim. :)

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  20. so where are all the secrets??
    Absolutely love this.. now i know why you like to be around me.

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  21. Not sure I should buy the dryer now though LOL...

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  22. #34---I'm with you on the cigarettes and heroin.

    #39--What?? I LOVE to clean the lint filter! How can she forget? It's like picking a scab, but not gross...and fluffy.

    I love CSI Las Vegas. I have no idea why because I hate gross and scary things. Of course, I also mountain bike, so maybe I like scary things more than I think I do.

    Cool list.

    P.S. Please send me your address. I have the most fantastic sequined jumpsuit ever...with your name on it!

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  23. This is the best post ever!

    What's the deal with sequins? They are sparkly and pretty.

    I will give you a cupcake if you legally change your name to Herb.

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  24. 45. When I was younger, my brother and I would sneak out of the house at night, ride our bikes to the grocery store, and buy ice cream. - You still do that.

    As far as the Karl Meltzer thing. I can probably help you out with that. We can talk.

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  25. 60 Haha!

    65, 69, me, too.

    And I like that sassy funny sister in law Rachel. If I weren't cheap and thrifty, too, I would have her cut my hair all the time.

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  26. I am sitting here laughing, you are funny!

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