Hostess Half Marathon 2010

Run 13.1 miles.
Eat a Hostess product at each aid station spaced 2 miles apart.
Use every ounce of will power available to not vomit Twinkies at mile 11.
That, my friends, is the Hostess Half Marathon.

As you can imagine, a race of this magnitude requires large quantities of Hostess. You have no idea the amount of suffering and turmoil I experienced having this much Hostess in my house and not eating ANY.


In order to make the "race" (term used very loosely) as ridiculous as possible we made some posters to put along the course:


It is reasonable to estimate that this group of people consumed enough calories over the next 13 miles to feed a third-world country for a week:


As if the race wasn't challenging enough already, it rained all day. Fortunately rain isn't much of a concern when your primary focus is to not barf cupcakes. I am thankful the barf sensation didn't hit me until the last aid station. A few stalwart volunteers manned the soggy aid stations and for that they deserve at least seven boondoggle key chains.


To tell you the truth, I loved eating Twinkies and donuts while running. But by far, my favorite running fuel was the mouth-watering Zinger. On the seventh day, God created the Zinger.


I wish I had a nickle for every motorist who drove by and gave us a look of "What in the world are you crazy psychopaths doing?"


Mr. Thomas Dansie summarized the race in a haiku:
Cold rainy gray day
Warmed by sucrose overload
Glad for no vomit
And, in fact, Mr. Thomas Dansie won the race in a stunning 1 hour 37 minutes followed closely by top female finisher Ty Clark. They were moving so fast as they passed me that they were only a blur:


Obscene amounts of highly refined high fructose corn syrup do crazy things to people. Exhibit A - Cherie:


Here is a photo of me and the Mels (my wife Mel and my neighbor Mel):


I had a blast during the race and met lots of new people. There were probably half the runners I had never met before. I thought maybe eating lots of Twinkies, etc. while running would make me sick enough to cure my addiction to Hostess. But, alas, it has not. If anything, I love it even more.

Race Results

Official race results from the 2010 Hostess Half Marathon (pictures coming soon)

(Click to enlarge because blogspot is being lame)


Congrats to everyone for winning their age division (in months)!

Extra special thanks to our spectacular race timers, Darin & Amber Larson who braved the cold and rain for three hours! We couldn't have been at the verge of vomit without you!

Running With A Camelbak

Important Note: The Ironman World Championship in Hawaii will be televised this coming Saturday, December 18th on CBS from 2-4pm Utah time. Even if triathlons aren't your thing, this is something you don't want to miss. CBS does an incredible job putting it together with personal stories of what people have overcome.

Monday, December 6th 2010: 4 miles @ 9:58 per mile pace. I did the usual hill route early in the morning. It was a little rainy and cold but nothing to whine about. I continued my training for the Hostess Half Marathon by eating a 6-pack of donuts.

Tuesday, December 7th 2010: 4 miles @ 9:27 per mile pace. Same as yesterday. I've been using a head lamp lately when I run which I like although it takes a little getting used to before you stop feeling like you're running in a tunnel.

Wednesday, December 8th 2010: 10 miles @ 9:53 per mile pace. Yet another flashlight-free long run! For you locals, I drove to the dirt road which leads to Diamond Ranch Academy. The weather was perfect. The scenery was perfect. The only thing that wasn't perfect was my choice of hydration: a Camelbak.

Since I'll be running more miles in the coming months I figured I should try some different options for packing water. I don't mind hand-held water bottles. I despise water belts. So the next possibility was a Camelbak (similar to carrying a 2 liter bottle in a backpack). It seemed like a promising alternative. Until I actually started running with it.

Then the dumb thing started bouncing all over the place. My neck and under my arms started to get some hard core chaffing going on. It was miserable. And I called myself bad names for my foolish decision. Here is my attempt to photograph Me + Camelbak:


The scenery along the run was absolutely incredible. I kept thinking over and over again how lucky I was to be running in a place so beautiful which is only a few minutes away from home.


My Costco-special Camelbak had been sitting underneath my bed since approximately the time that Michael Bolton was cool. As a result, the water I put inside it tasted like it had been taken from a bathtub after just giving the dog a bath. But then.....I ate a Montana Huckleberry gel. The combination of swamp water and Montana Huckleberry tasted like a Duracell battery.


Thursday, December 9th 2010: 4 miles @ 10:33 per mile pace. I felt a little tired from yesterday's run so I did the hill route but kept a slower pace and didn't overexert myself.

Friday, December 10th 2010: Rest. I realized this week how valuable rest days will be as I build mileage. I was thankful for a day off.

Saturday, December 11th 2010: 13 miles @ 10:16 per mile pace. I just wasn't feeling it on this run. I felt sluggish the whole time and couldn't really get myself going. I've also had this little issue on the top of my right foot for a few weeks. I wouldn't call it an injury, but just an inconvenience. I'd say the official diagnosis is STT (Slightly Tweaked Tendon). Diagnosis courtesty of Dr. Reese, MD.

It was bitter cold outside. I even saw icicles hanging from some barbed wire.


Stay tuned for next week's complete review and pictures from the Hostess Half Marathon!

"During 13 years of professional running, I never got it fully right. It's like golf. You'll never be perfect; you try to get a little better at every opportunity. That's the beauty of distance running, I think. It's a never-ending journey of trying to find out how good you can be, what I can improve on, even with my limitations. I'll never know the answer, but I'll keep looking for it."
~ Bob Kennedy, American distance runner

And The Winner Is.....

And the winner of an incredible pair of arm warmers is.........................


The youngster closed her eyes and picked a name out of the bowl. Congrats - may your arms always be warm and sweaty!

Ultramarathon Training Begins

Monday, November 29th 2010: 529 miles on treadmill. Okay, it was only 3 miles. But it DEFINITELY felt like 529 miles. I detest the treadmill and haven't run on one for months but it was bitter cold outside and the wind was blowing like crazy. I regretted my decision to stay inside and be warm.


I ran another 4 miles that night @ 10:19 per mile pace. Outside. It was freezing cold but the wind stopped so I was fine.

Tuesday, November 30th 2010: I stayed up until midnight when registration opened for the Utah Grand Slam (run 4 Utah marathons over the course of a few months). I am excited to report that I got in! Now I won't have to do my Almost-Grand-Slam.

Wednesday, December 1st 2010: 10 miles @ 10:18 per mile pace. I was ecstatic because I was going to be able to do a run without a flashlight! Except for a few races, I haven't run without a flashlight for two months. With work and family, I need to run either really early or really late. But this day was a glorious exception.

I wanted to go somewhere new, so I went to a dirt road past the Hurricane airport. I didn't know what to expect so I brought two hand-held water bottles which worked out okay. I really loved being out in the opened all by myself enjoying the scenery.


I happened to come across a few cows who seemed a bit distraught with me disturbing them. But only one cow snorted at me. It wasn't nearly as scary as my last angry cow encounter.


I set up my camera on the two water bottles to take this picture. You can see my neon shirt from the Top of Utah Marathon. (It serves the dual purpose of also acting like a night light.)


Thursday, December 2nd 2010: 30 minutes on exercise bike.

Friday, December 3rd 2010: I took the leap of faith. I pulled out my credit card and registered for the Buffalo Run 50 mile race on March 26th!!! I am SO excited to run my first ultra-marathon! I got butterflies in my stomach when I clicked the PAY button. No backing out now! The real training begins.

Saturday, December 4th 2010: 11 miles @ 9:44 per mile pace. (Pace not completely accurate since it doesn't take into account my picture stops.) I went back to the same dirt road which was a blast, except that I had finished half the run before the sun even came up so it was pretty nippy outside. Speaking of nippy, Mel bought a new box of Western Family band-aids which I applied to the nip region as a long-run precaution. Whoa, mama. Those puppies are strong. When I removed them, I think 6 layers of skin came off with the band-aid. I believe I saw my lung.

I wanted to get a unique picture of the run and came up with an idea, courtesy of the self-timer:


This is why I can't run with a running buddy. When running starts to hurt, I find a distraction. What I'm doing when I should be running:


I felt surprisingly good the last five miles. Granted, I was getting tired and sore, but I still had some kick in me. That often isn't the case. It felt good. I will now sign off so I can perform first aid for my band-aid induced wounds.

"The obsession with running is really an obsession with the potential for more and more life."
~ George Sheehan